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MILLENNIUM MADNESS

By Jerry Grant

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grantworld@earthlink.net

Orwell knew what he was talking about!
He said the Millennium was coming...and he was right.
He even went on to predict all the things that will happen in the Millennium.
He predicted that Pee Wee Herman will be "bigger than ever" as though he were
standing by him at the time. He followed this by telling us that if you're sick, the
video phone will enable you to call your doctor, stick your tongue out at him, and
get your bill and pill faxed to you before you close your mouth.
What a prognosticator person!
The townspeople would gather around young George...he would sit on 6
telephone books and would tell everyone who was cheating on who!
They thought he was gossiping...gossip...gossip...gossip. Little did they know he
was making "Breaking News" all along. He could see the future like you could see the morning traffic, except when they raised his rent and foreclosed on his furniture store. He was an informer for the FBI...(Frequent Busybody Instigator).
He was a colonel in the "yenta underground" and a founder of the "snitch and bitch" travel club. He coined the phrase "Inquiring minds want to know".
He predicted that Hillary Clinton will run for Governor of 3 states: Minnesota,
Arizona and New Hampshire because she passed through them once.
Orwell said that cars for the Millennium will feature multi flavored air bags...the
most popular being chocolate marshmallow.
Airlines will offer "No Talking" sections for people who don't want to be annoyed by strangers.
Southern Bell will introduce a long overdue deterrent to tele-marketers who call
you during dinner...you push a button and a 6 year old will get on the phone.
Movie houses will run 2 different movies simultaneously on split screens for people who can't make up their minds.
The hot new fashion look will be bare belly for male and female.
Senior citizens' life expectancy will be extended by 3 years due to a major clerical
error by the Census Bureau.
The public will demand "term limits" for lawyers.
America will land on the moon again and the first stop will be at Hoffaburgers!
Ed McMahon and Dick Clark will be exiled to a Pacific Island where they will be forced to read all the magazines they tried to sell us, before they can return home. Pete Rose is a sure bet to "slide" into the Hall of Fame...only he can't bet on it!
The cost of education will elevate as the speed of high school shoot-outs will require that students pass an anti-terrorist test!
You will be able to purchase a complete computer system at 1pm that will become obsolete by 2pm.
Bruce Willis will do a remake of the movie "Ishtar" and will enter a monastery.
The "Yugo" will make a comeback...only this time it will be attached to a tow truck.
Your cell phone will enable you to dial 911 as your new car is headed for the lamppost.
You will be able to send out for real Chinese food as the Trump Tunnel extends to China.
RCA will invent a stethoscope that will give stock reports every 20 minutes.
Look for high tech word processors to throw the "F" word at you under stress.
Your laptop will keep you constantly awake...you doze...it goes!
IBM robots will be working a lot faster. They will be able to fire 17 workers in 3
seconds flat.
Politicians "running" for office will have to outdistance reporters.
You won't have to be afraid of the dark, as your pocket laser will light up the whole neighborhood.
Insty Print will merge with Sprint and become Sprint Print for people on the run.
That's it George............enough is enough!

ATTENTION ALL NEWS PERIODICALS
AND MAGAZINE EDITORS!

Jerry Grant's Topical Satire is
Now Available For Syndication...

(954) 961-3933

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Jerry Grant

email TO grantworld@earthlink.net

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ATTENTION ALL NEWS PERIODICALS AND MAGAZINE EDITORS!
Jerry Grant's Topical Satire is
Now Available For Syndication...
(954) 961-3933

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