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The History of Labor

CONGRATULATIONS,
YOU'RE FIRED!

By Jerry Grant

We welcome your response.
Thank You

grantworld@earthlink.net

 

It's the "O" word. OVERHEAD! That's what triggers off more CEO heart palpitations than... even a profit bypass. That's where our company comes in. SYA

In case you wonder what SYA stands for... It's Save Your Ass Corporation of America.

In case you wonder what SYA does... we manufacture spare heart parts for CEO's

You see, we we're doing fine knocking out our market share of parts for CEO hearts, until the "DOWNSIZING" set in and then we went bonkers trying to keep up with all the fresh orders pouring in. Our plant is running on time and a half and we've only covered half the country. Our employees are on "stress excess" overload.

Thank goodness the International market is not clamoring for spare parts. They still have a long way to go since their labor costs are somewhere around $1.00 an hour. But since we keep hearing the "O' word resounding from the corporate world, we certainly understand why we are besieged with orders.

Overhead triggers instant CEO pulsation's - a panic and protectionism. Let me explain:

When business conditions get so bad that the CEO's have to worry about their salaries... their dividends... and their perks, they experience an immediate fibrillation of the heart.

That's where we come in. We are on 24-hour call and we offer a CEO service that will meet them anywhere, anytime... on their yachts or airport or golf course or Bermuda.

You must realize that we are in a trickle down economy and if the CEO's feel the pinch... top executives feel the 'pain'

Let me explain. In the good old days, the last hired was the first fired. In today's maddening world of economics and CEO excesses, the first to go are the top execs making big dough!

I mean look out. If you're doing well on the payroll... It's not important how you're doing on the job. Here is a typical letter from a wife of a middle line employee at one of America's corporations:

Dear Mr. Heartburn:

I know you meant well when you told my Henry that he was due for a raise in salary and a raise in position in the company. We have four kids and loads of bills and I beg you to reconsider giving him that raise.. He is satisfied to be 'employed and doesn't need the insecurity of a top job at top pay. I believe you have your own children and certainly can understand our plea.

Keep Henry at regular pay with the rest of them. Don't move him in the firing line. He'll turn in his gold key to the men's room...he'll hold it in a little longer. As for his favored parking spot which he earned as salesman of the month, he will gladly take the parking spot near the asbestos dumpster. Forget the desk near the window. He'll take the old space near the noisy shredder. He'll settle for one bottle of regular white-out rather than 4. He'll work harder. I promise.

Very nervously yours, Mrs. Ledbelly.

P.S. I talked it over with Henry and he's willing to take a cut.

That's heart wrenching, Isn't It? And it is so typical of Mr. and Mrs. America. We would love to hear your suggestions, so write your boss and tell them what you think.


 
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Jerry Grant

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email:
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CONGRATULATIONS...YOU'RE FIRED!!!