BEFORE  AND AFTER

BY JERRY GRANT

 

…FAX…

 MESSAGE TO TOKYO…3 SECONDS

 

LEST WE FORGET OUR ROOTS…

IT DOESN’T HURT TO LOOK BACK AND REALIZE “WE’VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY!”

FOR EXAMPLE…IN THE YEAR 12 B.C….TO SEND A MESSAGE TO YOUR CAVE:

         “MOTHER-IN-LAW COMING – HIDE THE BUFFALO MEAT.”

FIRST YOU HAD TO KILL A FEROCIOUS RHINOCEROS FOR A TUSK JUST SO YOU WOULD HAVE A WRITING TOOL. THEN YOU HAD TO FIND A HARD IGNEOUS ROCK TO CHISEL THE MESSAGE ON. THEN YOU SAT ON THE HARD ROCK AND ROLLED IT OFF A SHORT MOUNTAIN SO IT WOULD CRASH AND FLATTEN FOR EASIER CHISELING. NOW FOR THE CHISELING…YOU WOULD RECRUIT THE HEAVIEST DUDE AROUND TO LEAN ON YOU AND THE TUSK WHILE YOU CHISEL A PICTURE OF YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW ONTO THE HARD ROCK SURFACE. THE CHISELING WOULD USUALLY TAKE ABOUT 3 OR 4 DAYS. YOU WOULD THEN DIVE INTO THE NEAREST WATERHOLE TO GET THE DIRT…GRIME…AND DUST OUT OF YOUR EARS, EYES AND NOSE. YOU WOULD THEN CARRY THE ROCK ON YOUR BACK AS YOU WALKED OVER TORTUROUS CACTUS PLANTS TO THE NEAREST CAMEL RACE. YOU WOULD THEN TIE YOUR ROCK ONTO A CAMEL’S TAIL AND HOPE IT WAS TRAVELING IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR CAVE.

THAT WAS BEFORE.

SEE HOW FAR WE’VE COME… NOW LET’S JUMP AHEAD ,,,

                                                                  

TO THE CELLULAR PHONE

 

BEFORE…YOU HAD TO GET 8 OUT-OF-SHAPE RELAY RUNNERS AT 8 DIFFERENT LOCATIONS WHO WOULD EACH RUN 1/8 MILE WITH YOUR MESSAGE TO YOUR WIFE – “I’LL BE LATE FOR DINNER.” OF COURSE, BY THE TIME #8 GOT TO THE CAVE, THE MESSAGE WAS.. “I HATE YOUR DINNER.” WHICH MEANT YOU HAD TO SLEEP OUTSIDE IN THE FIELD WITH THE SHEEP AND THE GOATS.

 

LIE DETECTOR

 

THE TRUTH MACHINE

 

BEFORE…IF YOU WANTED TO KNOW WHO ATE GORK’S EAR – YOU WOULD CALL A MEETING OF THE ENTIRE VILLAGE AND YOU WOULD SIT AROUND IN A LARGE CIRCLE AND WAIT TO SEE WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO BELCH - AND THEN THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY WOULD CHEW OFF HIS EAR AND THAT BECAME KNOWN AS “AN EAR FOR AN EAR!”

 

BRAIN SCAN

 CAN REVEAL MARITAL BRAIN DAMAGE

 

BEFORE…YOU COULD USUALLY TELL IF YOU WERE IN A GOOD CLOSE MARRIAGE AND WERE GETTING ALONG BY HOW MANY LUMPS SHE HAD ON HER HEAD.

 

TELEVISION

 BEFORE…THEY WATCHED 60 MINUTES – NOT THE SHOW…THEY JUST SAT AROUND AND WATCHED 60 MINUTES GO BY.

 

SPACE STATION

 

BEFORE…WE HAD SPACE STATIONS THEN TOO…AND IF YOU TOOK UP ANYBODY’S SPACE…THAT BECAME YOUR RESTING PLACE FOREVER AND THE ONLY EULOGY YOU GOT WAS THE CURSING THAT FOLLOWED.

 

COMPUTER CHIP

 

GENERATES INFINITE INFO IN SECONDS

BEFORE…YOU HAD TO GO TO IZZY…TAKE A NUMBER…HOPE HE WAS IN A GOOD MOOD…STROKE HIS EGOAND HIS IGUANA…TELL HIM HE WAS GOOD AND SMART AND THEN ASK HIM YOUR QUESTION. AND YOU WOULD WAIT YOUR TURN FOR HIS ANSWER. SOMETIMES HE WOULD MIX UP THE NUMBERS AND MIX UP THE ANSWERS…BUT, THAT WAS THE BEST YOU COULD GET IN THOSE DAYS.

WE’VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY!

 

ANY QUESTIONS???

 

Image  Mapped

email: grantworld@earthlink.net

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